Defender: A Brief History
10 Years ago, I discovered the Hash in a dark basement bar called the Quarry House Tavern in Silver Spring Maryland, while my friend (Clappy Birthday) and I drank rye whiskey and ate nearly raw burgers. One week later, that same friend and I became official and ran our first trail with Everyday is Wednesday H3 in Washington DC. It was a strange night to say the least, sure we ran trail and drank, but there was no circle (there was a stabbing), so we got falling down drunk at the Red Derby, fought each other outside and took the last train home. I was hooked. EWH3 was great but, 2 years later when I walked up to Bit o’ Honey’s house on a mid-summer evening my true love affair of hashing started. Pittsburgh H3 was a family! They took me in and welcomed me in way that no Hash in DC ever had. Sure, it was only because the new young hashers in Pittsburgh at the time were Donkey Ho Te and Purple Princess, but they welcomed me none the less. And as I sat on a front porch in Regent square singing with Folker and Moon I knew I was finally home.
So, to show my love of the Hash and Pittsburgh in particular, I will go through great efforts with my new friend BowFaP, to prove to all of you that I have learned absolutely nothing in 10 years. Here’s a list of things you should know.
• 1:00 PM! – Days are very short so we’re starting early. Also, ManGurglar and I have to get ready and leave to hunt the next day.
• ON-OUT Promptly at 1:30 PM. If you’re late you’ll never follow trail. I cannot emphasize this enough!
• Head Lamp – Like I said, the days are very short and it gets dark early.
• Bring a Dry Bag
• I highly recommend leaving dogs a home!
• And Babies!
• I expect gifts to celebrate my 10-year anniversary. Traditional: tin/aluminum Untraditional: diamond
• Come with low expectations and prepare to be disappointed.
• $5 hash cash. Trail beer, circle beer and food on the hares
Any questions or concerns, reach me (Defender) @ 724-953-1907.
Bitches, Gripes, or Complaints call BoWFaP @ 304-610-8948
Trail deets – Lights N’at trail. 11/29 Park House, 6:30, A to A Prime, dress for the holiday! Ladies Only.
See Folker lose his Pitt-Haring virginity!
1162 Morningside Ave, Pittsburgh, PA 15206-1348, United States
So here’s how the story goes. Two years ago Porn Again arrived late to Festivus just in time for circle. There for no reason apparent to him at the time he was confronted by a mostly nude and very lewd Defender and Defender wanted to wrestle PA. PA obliged just because it was Festivus and wrestling Defender was part of the tradition. Little did PA know that Defender was handing off the mantle of Festivus to him. Now after how many ever years that old asshole is out of the picture and it’s PA’s time to shine. He has invited fellow salt meister Scrum Guzzler to help in this years celebration.
If you have never been to a Festivus there are a few things you should know. The first and most important rule is that you are NOT invited. Don’t bother to come. Now if you are a dumbass and decide to come know the following:
1. You will show your strength to the hash in more ways than one
2. You will verbally accost fellow hashers during circle for dumb shit they did since last Festivus even if it isn’t hash related
3. You will have a broken body for the next week or two as a result of rule 1 and 2
Now this celebration will go all night. The hares are providing an ample supply of beer but that will not last. Plan to bring some. It will be cold and there are plenty of places to stash it on my deck and other places. There will be main course food but small covered dishes are greatly appreciated. Also there is plenty of crash space.
Any other questions go out back of your house and yell them in to the wind because I do not give a fuck about your concerns.
Hares: HARE NEEDED
Hash Cash: $5
Why: To run a longer, harder trail and enjoy the shit out of it!
ET Bone Home