Hash #1855 – Hashiversary X

December 2, 2018 @ 1:00 pm
Randy's Lube and Auto Care Center Parking lot
1031 W View Park Dr
West View, PA 15229

If you’re not completely smeared from the TN@ PAP on Saturday, cum ‘n’ celebrate Whale’s Vagina’s ten (comfortably adequate) years of hashing, as well as the glorious solar transit commemorations for EZ 2 Please and Ogre Under on Sunday. How old are they? Old enough to know better!

The theme for this is a HASHING trail. So dress like hashers (including your shiggy socks) and practice any rugby songs you know, and limber up that gullet to pour some beer down it. What’s more, the trail will be LIVE LAID. Play your cards right, and you just might get laid yourself. There will be a beer check, a shot quest, a spaghetti-meatball check and assorted snacks ‘n’ shit. There will not be a chainsaw-juggling check. Not again, anyway.

This trail is billed as virgin-friendly. So bring virgins! Virgin testing will be performed by a certified professional using, uh, calibrated equipment. But seriously, harangue your friends if you have any, and badger any relatives who still like you to come scope out our proud traditions. There will be prizes for the virgin-bringers! Gotta restock the hare cupboard somehow. Tell them it’s fun, invigorating, and worth their time. What I’m saying to practice your prevarication.

On out is a Death Marshall hard 1:30. If you are a chronic latenik, you may want to get a conservative estimate on the travel time and distance from your home or probation office to the trail start, then deduct that time from your preferred chronograph in order to ensure your on-time arrival. To further hedge your bets, you can even camp out the night before.

Bring birthday presents, anniversary gifts (ten years is aluminum or tin?), dogs, babies, a change of clothes, your favorite vessel, sunscreen, bug spray, bear spray, bear claws, and Claude Monet reproductions.