Calling all wankers, yankers, and spankers, it’s time for Pitt trail… *checks notes* …#200! So put down your toys and your dicks for a couple of hours and we’ll see you at Jack’s because of fucking tradition that’s why. Trail #1: Jack’s. Trail #100: Jack’s. Trail #200: Jack’s, so if you’re expecting anything original on this trail you can just forget it. For those who remember, and for those who don’t, trail #100 included many dumpster-fire worthy events such as hobo piss drinking, caught hares at the T station, and a jaunt up the motherfucking Duquesne incline steps. Do we think we can top that? Impossible, so why bother! I would expect a much flatter, drama-free, generally much more wholesome and friendly trail than #100. Definitely. There might be an eagle/turkey split for those who yearn for a near-death experience because life just isn’t interesting enough for you. You’d be fucking stupid to bring your dog. Actually, you’d be fucking stupid to bring yourself. Eat your wheaties and bring a light. And it GOES WITHOUT SAYING that you should bring a cup if you have one. If any virgins show up, may God have mercy on their soul.
We have the honor to be your most obedient servants,