Pittsburgh, PA 15212
USA
WHAT: Love Stinks Trail
WHERE: 507 Foreland St, Pittsburgh, PA 15212
WHEN: 16 Feb 2017 6:30, On-Out ~7:00
WHO: Your Hares, Beets The Shit Outta Me and Int’l House of Poo
WHY: Do you need to ask?
“Roses are red,
violets are blue,
40’s are cheaper,
than dinner for two!”
Hey there wankers! It’s February, and you know what that means!! Single’s Awareness Day/St. Valentines Day/Discounted Chocolate Day/PITT Hash #127! Come join IHOP and Beets for a jaunty trail in Northside. Love is in the air so try not to breathe too much…
We can all take part in a reading of the new “Fifty Shades of Flour”. Don’t worry ladies, we heard you and will deliver! This story has it all, including a mostly flat trail that will get you revved up looking for love in all the wrong places including moist mud, hot & heavy shot stops, and a couple of stiff staircases.
Gents, don’t worry; we heard you too! The ladies can’t have all the fun right? We have some tight beer stops, sexy-glassy garbage, dirty dogging, and shitty circle songs with the mutants at table 9 ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s5xsVHOJQs ). Don’t spend $70 on roses, or a fancy dinner, or some silly gift to feed the consumerist Hallmark machine; come spend $5 and calories to have a fun trail with some cold beer and orange food! And if that doesn’t work, go home and look up some of those internet ‘videos’ you like.
Other notes: Leave the bitching at home and bring a headlamp. Trail is probably dog friendly, as well as on-out bar as long as your dog isn’t an asshat. Try their sour beer; It’s Beets-approved!
And now a series of shitty puns you can use for your whoever:
“Are you a keg? Because I’d tap that”
“Are you made of 11 protons? Cause you are sodium fine”
“Plumbers are red, hedgehogs are blue, press start to join, and be my player two”
“Is your name google? Because you are everything I’m searching for”
“Are you a beaver, because dam!”