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As I stumbled in from another long loop of the Darkside marathon, Shriveled in London swooped down on me with the mercilessness of a desperate hare raiser. Delirious from dehydration or something (honestly, I was just banking on London forgetting the conversation), I somehow ended up accepting this trail. But! I at least had some of my wits about me….So! After an exhausting round of negotiations, I obtained concessions from the desperate Darkside Misman. Some of these concessions are listed below and some are things I just made up to see if I can get away with them. If you can accurately guess which is which, I will buy you a beer:
1. I will NOT scout trail. I won’t try to f— it up but if I do, oh well.
2. There will be nothing new or interesting on this trail except by accident (see #1 above).
3. I get 15 min head start for all legs of trail.
4. If you catch me, you have to give me a hug.
5. In the spirit of the Darkside marathon, trail will just be one big 6.9 inch loop that we run around for hours. For excitement, we can run in the opposite direction!!! And then we can debate which direction is better—fun!!!!
6. Smitten, who wants nothing to do with this trail, will know where we are going and (even though he has repeatedly asked not to have this responsibility and says I am making him afraid) will probably be what saves this trail from utter disaster.
7. I get to dress Jinkies up.
8. If you only get to half of 6.9, that still can be a lot of fun for a Thursday night.
9. There will be no IPAs at beer stops because ewwww.
10. Anyone who suggests PRATting this trail has to help me cohare (I’m looking at you ICP).

But, seriously, cum on out even if you’re afraid of Darkside. Trail will be much like this write-up: silly, rambling, full of half-truths, and lacking any shred of integrity or dignity. I might even break down and buy some IPAs, *that’s* how little self-respect I have.

Distance: 6.9 miles, but if you play your cards right you can wait for everyone to give up and just go directly to the beer stops.
Shiggy: Some, I’m sure.
Dogs: That’s a hard one. We might go some places where you could get yelled at but if you’re okay with that, then yeah.
Questions: Contact Smitten. He will commiserate.

Of course, there will be a normal group hash, which will be on Saturday at 2pm.

Hare: The Black Clap

Cum up to Mt. Washington for a fun little romp around the area to celebrate AZ’s birthday (as we do the entire month of May)!

We haven’t been to Satalio’s for a while. If you’re not familiar, it’s a neighborhood place with a fantastic view of the Burgh! Satalio’s takes cards, so no need to scramble for cash.

Even though they don’t serve food, they said we could bring in outside food and hang out after trail for more bevvies and fun! There’s a Fox’s Pizza right down the street.

You can compete as an individual or as a 4-person relay! We’ll be following the official beer mile rules, so your beer has to be at least 5%.

Go to https://www.beermile.com for rules and past results from your fellow hashers!

Everyone brings their own beer. After all, you might want to be extra choosey since you’ll probably taste it going down and coming back up!

If you don’t want to run, come and cheer on the beer-guzzling participants!